This week I became overwhelmed. The move is now official and I am faced with the reality that between now and July 25th we will say goodbye to our friends and community of 3 years, pack up our home, transfer Ryan to a new school district, unpack at our new parsonage (nothing like moving into a new home sight unseen to increase this FX carrier momma's anxiety), attend PNW UMC Annual Conference in Pasco, WA June 20-24th, start our work at a new church July 1st, then after being there only 3 weeks leave and fly across the country to NFXF conference.
The mere thought of this shut me down yesterday and for about 90 minutes, during our drive to Olympia I told Rene' I didn't think we could do it. Wise as he always is, he said "I'm happy with whatever you decide". I say wise not because he should always agree with me (he doesn't) and not because I am bossy (sometimes I am) but because he knows me. He knows that I will be gung ho about something and move mountains to make it happen and then, right when all my hard work is coming to fruition I hesitate. It's kind of like a "this is too good to be true and it completly overwhelms me" kind of feeling.
So this morning when I excitedly told him about the amazing Fragile X flip flops I just ordered that we will pick up in Miami, he wasn't surprised at all when he asked with a smile, "I guess we are going to conference huh?" Smart.
So, you ask, "Why is going to the National Fragile X Foundation Conference so important to you?" Well, let me tell you.....
*I believe I owe it to my family to not take the easy road and say I'm too busy this summer*
For the 5 days of the conference I will have access to knowledge and community...both of which I need to succeed at this monumental task of being a Fragile X Mom. Twice in R's life now I have had a Dr. look me in the eye and tell me that I should put my son in an institution due to his behaviors. Twice I have chosen to take him home instead. The first time I thought it could do it on my own. The second time I knew I couldn't. I need community to help me raise my son, our neighboorhood, school, church, government, FX, family...I need them all. It's a hard thing to admit and even harder to type. I can't do it by myself and I have to do what I hate doing the most, asking for help.
So in the last few weeks (since Dr # 2 recommended institution) I have started asking. I am asking for help raising funds, I am asking for help from goverment programs, I am asking for help from friends. At conference I will recieve help from educators, therapists, psychologists, physicians, and most importantly other families. Others who have been where I am, in the trenches, trying to do it alone, offering me a hand. Once every 2 years we can be a part of that community for 5 days, allowing us to make contacts, gain confidence with knowledge, laugh at our similarities.
Thank you community for your help.
